4N meeting poem

 

 

 

 

Wednesday 31st is a date to remember

Whether or not you’re a 4N member

For on that date a party is planned

With cake and costumes, it’s going to be grand

 

So, come on down and join in the fun

A warm welcome awaits for everyone

Contact the team to book yourself in

Bring a friend too, and extra days win

 

So wear a full costume or just something quirky

It isn’t quite Xmas so sorry, no turkey

But cake we will have so do come along

And maybe you’ll gift us a poem or song

 

Think spooky and pitch in alternative style

And we’ll all leave the venue with an awfully big smile

Look forward to seeing you there at the gig

Come along all and join in the jig

Good Enough

Why on earth do we treat ourselves badly

We wouldn’t others, but us, yes, sadly

We criticise and feel we’ve failed

When really all we’ve done is sailed

Out on a path which is our own

And done our best with task unknown

We’re here to learn not be the best

And yet we constantly fail the test

But only in our own perception

Others see complete perfection

But it’s not enough for us, not us

We worry and cringe and make a fuss

If only we could have self belief

And do our best with such relief

We need to see what others see

And live with joy and simply be

Why on earth do we treat ourselves badly

We wouldn’t others, but us, yes, sadly

We criticise and feel we’ve failed

When really all we’ve done is hailed

 

Photo by Hello I’m Nik on Unsplash

Time for a change

Our holiday is sadly reaching it’s end

A fond farewell to Rhodes we send

New friends will be missed and sun becomes rain

Reality intercedes and it’s back to the same

But it’s time for a change and ready and willing

Everyday life can be exciting and thrilling

Just need to make different choices and plan

To make a real difference and become a true fan

Of all that I have and all that I do

Whilst changing the lives of the people, yes you

We all have it in us to live extraordinary lives

As long as determination and will soars, and not dives

The last couple of weeks are what life forever could be

Friends, relaxation, joy and blue sea

Time to think deeper thoughts and connect with what’s real

A time to understand what bliss life can be

So it’s on with the work of building a team

To join in my mission and make real the dream

For hard work and focus a reward it will bring

And lets spread some joy to all with a zing

Our holiday is sadly reaching it’s end

A fond farewell to Rhodes we send

New friends will be missed and sun becomes rain

Reality intercedes and it’s back to the game

A Magical Awakening

This is an excerpt from the young adults book I’m currently writing. It’s part of the first chapter and gives you a flavour of the book itself. The story is all about a girl who discovers she’s half fairy and her adventures and experiences after she finds out.

 

Chapter 1- The adventure begins

 

Hayley woke before the alarm clock rang. She felt a strange sense of excitement and anticipation. Of course, you would expect that most girls waking up on their 14th birthday would feel excited. However, Hayley wasn’t like most girls.

 

She yawned and stretched and thought she’d probably woken up because the sun was streaming through her tattered old curtains. It filled the room with a warm blanket of dappled sunshine. She looked around the tiny room and took it all in. This room had been laughingly called a fourth bedroom in the estate agent’s details. It must have only just qualified because it was absolutely tiny. She was still sleeping on the same bed which she’d had as a baby and toddler. It was narrower than a normal bed and used to have cot sides attached when she’d been younger. Luckily it also had drawers underneath it as there was precious little space in the room and these provided valuable storage space. The room was simply too small to take a full-size bed.

 

At the end of the bed was a tiny window. Although she loved the warm weather, and always felt better when it was sunny, she would have liked the option to keep the room dark sometimes. The curtains had been bought at a car boot sale and were well past their “sell by date”. They were really thin and old. She was surprised that her step mum, Cindy, allowed them to be seen. Cindy was quite obsessive about how her house looked and what the neighbours thought of her efforts. She supposed she maybe didn’t mind so much because Hayley’s room was at the back of the house and the window was so small that there really wasn’t much to see from the outside. Whenever guests were shown around the house Cindy deliberately didn’t show them Hayley’s room and if anyone asked what was behind the other door on the landing she simply said it was an airing cupboard and needed tidying up before she could show it to anyone.

 

The only other furniture in the room was a bedside cabinet (the room was too small to accommodate a full-size chest of drawers). This was pushed up against the far wall as there was no room to put it next to the bed. The door opened into the room and only just cleared the side of her bed. Thinking about that Hayley hopped out of bed and turned the alarm clock off, so she wouldn’t wake Cindy with it. It was a real pain having nowhere to put anything next to the bed and she’d been shouted at before when she took too long to turn it off. Because of this she often slept with it on the bed, next to her hand, to try and ensure she turned it off quickly. The trouble with doing that was that she was a restless sleeper and, if she thrashed about too much in bed, it often fell on the floor and then she had difficulty finding it quickly. At least with it being the summer holidays she had been able to set the clock for later. When she was at school it needed to be set much earlier so that she could get all her chores done before it was time for school. She was so glad her birthday fell in July as, at least with her being on holiday, there was more chance of her being able to do something nice today.

 

She took a few more minutes to enjoy the luxury of just being able to lie there and look around. Eventually the thought popped into her head “hurry up and get up, the sooner you do your chores the sooner you can get out and go and walk in the woods”. With that she jumped out of bed and got dressed. For once her long ginger hair cooperated with her brushing it and fell into a tidy shape. Most days she had to resort to using her straighteners to tame it. Her friends often told her how much they envied her, but they wouldn’t have liked to experience the reality of looking after it. It was really thick and, if left to it’s own devices, would spring up into an unruly mop of curls. She pulled on her favourite jeans, paired them with a bright yellow top and bounced up to open the door.

 

As she opened it she cringed. Cindy was just coming out of her room and had her “I’m not happy face” on. It was her most popular expression and Hayley knew full well that it would almost certainly mean she’d suffer in some way or another. “Morning Cindy” she said quietly, secretly hoping that for once her stepmother was simply tired and not annoyed at her for something. “What’s good about it that’s what I’d like to know?” barked Cindy. Hayley knew better than to point out she hadn’t said good morning as that would simply provoke her. Instead she stayed quiet and waited for Cindy to come out with the inevitable problem. “I’ve woken up earlier than I needed to and it’s all your fault. The curtains weren’t pulled properly last night. It never ceases to amaze me that you can’t even get simple tasks right. I wish you’d pay more attention to what you are doing. You’re so inconsiderate” Hayley marvelled inwardly at Cindy’s warped view of the world. She wished she’d just for once think of someone else and maybe, miracle of miracles, actually acknowledge Hayley’s birthday for once. “Oh, by the way Happy Birthday Hayley” Cindy said and then she waltzed off into the bathroom.

 

Hayley’s mouth fell open and she stood absolutely still, not entirely sure she’d heard right. In all the four years she’d known Cindy she’d never once wished her a happy birthday or even happy Xmas. She’d never received a present or card and most years got no acknowledgement of the day, apart from her eldest brother, who now lived in Scotland. If she didn’t know better she’d say it was magical, especially after wishing for exactly that to happen seconds before. However, she knew, from her therapist, that magical thinking was something she should avoid so she tried to persuade herself that it was simply coincidence and distracted herself by going into Cindy’s room to do her usual chores.

 

Cindy’s room was in stark contrast to hers. It was, obviously, the master bedroom and was the epitome of luxury. The room was dominated by a vast, white, four poster bed. This was draped in a thin, white, filmy organza material which was speckled with sequins and sparkled and twinkled as it blew in the breeze. The carpet was thick and white and felt so comforting under Hayley’s feet. Of course, it was a nightmare to keep clean and free from stains, but Cindy didn’t need to worry about that as that wasn’t a problem for her. Keeping the entire house clean was Hayley’s job. “If I did believe in magical thinking then I might wish for Cindy to get a cleaner” she thought to herself. She chuckled to herself and told herself not to be so silly.  That was about as unlikely as a polar bear walking across the landing. Why on earth would Cindy pay for something when she could get it for free?

 

Crossing to the window she noticed the curtains were pulled properly, apart from a tiny chink at the top. The curtains were made of thick, luxurious material and had blackout linings attached. It was therefore highly unlikely that the minuscule gap had caused Cindy to wake. Hayley felt sure however that it had made her day to find a way to blame her for something. Cindy seemed to spend a lot of time looking for ways to humiliate Hayley and seemed to get a real kick out of it. She pulled the curtains back and stood for a moment, enjoying the warm feel of the sunshine on her face. There it was again, that warm, fuzzy feeling that was making Hayley feel quite excited about it being her birthday. She wondered what the significance of it was and then mentally shook herself and determined to get on with what she was doing.

 

She quickly made Cindy’s bed and ran downstairs to the kitchen to get her orange juice and vitamin pills. She picked up the little Wedgwood china platter, placed one of Cindy’s best crystal glasses on it, filled the glass with juice and laid out the vitamin pills on a napkin beside it. If her dad had been home, instead of away on yet another business trip, she’d have had to do the same for him too.

 

Hayley got back upstairs just as Cindy was coming out of the bathroom. She could have used her own, en-suite, but preferred the larger, more luxurious bathroom that served the rest of the bedrooms. She was forever trying to persuade Hayley’s dad to move to a house that had not only a bigger bathroom but a dressing room off the master suite. “Oh, there you are girl” Cindy said. “I’ve been thinking recently that we should get a cleaner, everyone I know has one and I’m worried the neighbours might think we don’t have one because we can’t afford it. Now, put that down and run downstairs to start on my breakfast” Hayley put the tray down, walked out of the room and, only when she was outside the door, remembered to breathe.

 

What was happening today? She’d only just been thinking about how nice it would be to have a cleaner do some of her work when Cindy came up with it as a suggestion. This, on top of Cindy wishing her a happy birthday, was really weird. She stood and pondered what this could possibly mean, and this time found it extremely difficult to persuade herself that it was merely coincidental.

 

Hayley had been diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) three years previously. The psychiatrists all thought that the stress from losing her mum had contributed to the really troublesome symptoms she had had at that time. She had reacted badly to losing her but then she had always felt much closer to her mum than to anyone else. She’d been a kind and gentle lady who had never had a bad word to say to anyone. She was the most generous person too and often could be found helping others in difficulty and then being told off by her dad for doing so. Hayley often wondered why her mum and dad had ever married. He was quite grumpy and prone to be very selfish. He spent a lot of time away on business trips and when he was home he rarely stayed in as he played a variety of sports and was always out with his mates. They really didn’t seem to have had a lot in common and it was difficult to see why her mum had gone into the relationship. On the odd occasion she’d asked her mum about this she’d just smile mysteriously and say “they say opposites attract don’t they? Sometimes we never know why things happen and sometimes we find out at a later date” Hayley had never quite known what this meant but had never pushed her mother further as she had instinctively felt she wouldn’t have told her anyway.

 

Hayley thought back to the time when her OCD had been bad. She knew that most people, if they knew anything about OCD, thought that it related to obsessive hand – washing but this wasn’t the only type. At that time Hayley had developed a lot of checking behaviours and had a whole catalogue of strange rituals which her therapists had said were her mind’s way of coping with the increased anxiety and fear she’d developed as a result of her mum’s death. She’s had to go to regular sessions with a psychiatric nurse and had, eventually, learned to manage all her symptoms apart from something that her nurse referred to as “magical thinking” For some reason this aspect of Hayley’s condition had never really responded to treatment and eventually her therapists had accepted that she’d gotten as well as she could and discharged her.

 

Hayley’s “magical thinking” symptoms had been many and varied. She’d always believed in magic, because her mum had always told her it existed. Her nurse had told her that this had simply been her mum’s childhood stories, made up and not real. She’d tried to tell Hayley that if her mum had lived she’d have told her that herself when she’d been a bit older. Hayley knew that that did sound logical but somehow, she could never quite fully believe that magic didn’t exist. She’d managed to stop believing that numbers which weren’t a multiple of 3 were “bad” and she no longer believed that her thoughts were powerful enough to make things happen. That is she believed it most of the time. There had been times, especially in the last year, when she’d had to concentrate quite hard to stop herself thinking that way. She’d noticed increasingly that some of the things she thought about had actually happened. Before today they’d all been things she’d thought about for others and today was the first day they’d related to thoughts about herself. “No, it can’t be” she thought. “I’m being silly and this isn’t me it’s my OCD”. She remembered her therapy and forced herself to relabel these thoughts as OCD ones, reattribute them to a chemical imbalance in her brain and refocus on something else. “It’s just coincidence and I do not have the power to affect change with my thoughts” she said to herself and then ran down the stairs to get breakfast started.

To be continued (hope to get it published some time in the next year or so)

 

Photo by Andraz Lazic on Unsplash

Loving Me

Today I commit to loving me

The powerful being that others see

Why is it hard for me to know

How to just be and enjoy the flow

 

I know inside that life can be great

But struggle against my destined fate

Instead of relaxing into the flow

I overthink and push and go

 

My life reflects this inward struggle

Why not let go and break the bubble

The magic lies in nature all around

But could live in me and waits to be found

 

My early years have shaped this life

With all that comes with grief and strife

But with the pain comes lessons well learned

And strength to face a life returned

 

To all that could be and all that I want

The magic is that powerful font

It’s out there now for you and me

To rediscover our inner chi

 

Today I  commit to loving me

The powerful being that others see

It isn’t hard for me to know

How to just be and enjoy the flow

 

The Fey

Fairies live amongst us now

In trees they flit from bough to bough

They love to bring their healing light

To those believers who have the sight

 

They love to play and have some fun

But do the job and  get things done

From them we have a lot to learn

They never cringe and cry and squirm

 

Their wings they sparkle in the sun

To fly for them is such great fun

It gets them easily from place to place

And always with ease and smiles on face

 

They do their job with smiles and fun

And harness magic direct from sun

Occasionally they tease and play

But always love wins the day

 

You’ll find them out in nature’s world

With wings outstretched and arms unfurled

They welcome all in warm embrace

And love and peace are in their place

 

Fairies live amongst us now

In trees they flit from bough to bough

They love to bring their healing light

To those believers who have the sight

 

Photo by Boris Krizmanic on Unsplash

The Magic

This is my first adult attempt at poetry, something I loved as a child. Please be gentle in your critique of it.

 

 

I love that we are all connected, I love that sense of one

That nature reconnects us all when everything is done

The gentle swaying of the trees reminds me of my soul

That we were once from earth it seems a fairly simple role

 

Our only job whilst being here is learning what we need

The earth, the sun and water join to blossom with the seed

No need to stray too far but most forget the magic script

And suffer from a disconnect as from our plan we’re ripped

 

We struggle with our role it seems and lose the sense of flow

And make life so much harder, inside we always know

The things we need to focus on get lost within the mix

And conflict becomes the norm for us, we lose the will to fix

 

If only we would trust in life and allow the love to flow

It’s not our job to plan it all as nature always knows

If only we would trust ourselves and show up to witness now

The world would be a better place and full of fizz and pow

 

Our lives are meant to play with love & ease and fun

But we forget our childhood magic and seek to push and run

We need to slow ourselves right down and take the time to play

And when we finally get it right the magic saves the day

 

I love that we are all connected, I love that sense of one

That nature reconnects us all when everything is done

The gentle swaying of the trees reminds me of my soul

That we were once from earth it seems a fairly simple role