Suzi Magic

I haven’t been writing much during the last couple of lockdown’s, I’ve been struggling with my mental health but haven’t really shared that fact much as I’ve been too afraid of coming across as “a whinger”. Part of that has been because I feel guilty for feeling this way. I have so much in my life compared to others. But that doesn’t make it any easier sometimes to stay in a happy frame of mind.

Lots of people waste energy comparing their lives to others and bemoaning the fact that their life isn’t as good. But having material possessions or wealth doesn’t automatically guarantee happiness. And focusing on what you don’t have automatically puts your brain into a state of feeling your lack. That doesn’t lend itself to attracting what you desire but rather it tends to actually attract more of what you don’t want.

Having had a coaching session yesterday I can now see that I had been doing something similar but in reverse. Instead of focusing on my lack of “things” I had been focusing on my lack of joy and beating myself up because I didn’t deserve to be unhappy when I compared my life to others. I am financially secure, I have a comfortable home and a holiday lodge by the sea. But  instead of taking the time to enjoy those things and appreciate what I have I have been focusing on my negative emotions.

Today I woke up to sunshine, after a very disturbed nights sleep (painsomnia is a frequent visitor in my life) Usually I would have used that as an excuse to have a couch potato day and spent most of the day watching Netflix and worrying about what I needed to do, whilst not actually getting anything done.

But today I took the opportunity to spend an hour on my swing seat. I wrote a poem (see end of this blog post) and wrote my first blog entry since October.  Rather than being an indulgence on my part it’s actually energised me and I now feel ready to tackle some of the things I could have done yesterday. I’ve put myself in a positive frame of mind and that’s attracting more positivity to my life. 

I’d like to offer you a challenge on the back of my discovery. If you’re struggling today please take 15-30 mins and do something positive. Some suggestions would be to take a walk in nature (can be round your garden), watch an uplifting video clip on YouTube or maybe just read a chapter of a book you’ve been meaning to get to. Even if you have a jam packed schedule I suspect just doing that one small thing will kick start your energy levels and allow you to do more in the day than you would have achieved if you hadn’t carved out your positivity slot. 

So have a great day everyone and make time for yourself in your busy lives.

 Here’s the poem I wrote:- 

Rocking gently on my swing

Breeze blows through, a whiff of spring

The sun is gentle, it warms my soul

Taking time for this will keep me whole

We can forget to slow and note

Just what we have, this gets my vote

Always rushing on to next job due

Just stop a while, enjoy the view

Birds gentle chorus lulls and soothes

Something inside stirs and moves

I’ve been so stuck, overwhelmed with fear

But something’s shifted, my peace is near

Yesterday I posted a video of a poem I wrote for the weekend. It got me thinking about the whole topic of choices and here’s my thoughts.

If you’d like to hear the poem then head over to any of these social media platforms :- https://www.facebook.com/suzi.french1   https://www.instagram.com/suzi_magic https://www.linkedin.com/in/suzimagic

Almost every human being (if not all) has life challenges. It’s what we do with those choices that shape the way our life pans out. When I think back 12 years to my mental health breakdown I know that, at the time, I felt my life was pretty much over. I didn’t know how to carry on without being able to be a nurse and help people. One of my core values has always been to make a difference.

However I was pouring from an empty cup. I’d known for quite some time that my frequent 12hr days, early morning waking and stressing over deadlines in my trade union work was  a sure sign that I wasn’t coping very well. I went to my GP for help and was told the only thing on offer was medication as I wasn’t (at that point) in a bad enough way to be able to access any of Devon’s scarce resources. I took the medication but that seemed to me to be equivalent to putting a sticking plaster over a gaping wound.

It wasn’t enough and slowly but surely my descent into a very dark place continued apace. Within 6 months I had no choice but to go off sick. I ended up never being able to go back to the job I had once loved so much and life had to take a new direction. I was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), anxiety & depression.

Because I was now deemed ill enough to warrant other help I finally was offered Cognitive Behaviourial Therapy and a support group with a Clinical Psychologist. These therapies enabled me to start the long road back to recovering my mental health.

Now at this time I had choices. 1) I could have chosen to adopt the “victim mode” and whinged and griped about my circumstances. 2) I could have spent lots of time stuck in blame mode and bemoaning the fact that I’d faced disability discrimination when trying to facilitate a return to my old job. 3) I could have held onto my anger against my old boss for refusing to see that I had been let down by a faulty employment system………….

But I chose instead to 1) I decided to retrain in several other skills to maximise my employment opportunities (I vowed never again to be someone’s employee) 2) I took my old employers to an employment tribunal and sued them successfully for constructive dismissal and disability discrimination (Friends who still work for my ex employer, tell me that most of the things I stated as being reasons for exacerbating my workplace stress, have now been looked at and new systems have been put in place to prevent what happened to me happening again – result!!!) 3) As a mainly pacifist person I was horrified at the amount of anger I had towards my ex boss. I genuinely worried that, if I met them locally, I might go up and punch them. For anyone who knows me well you will know that that was well out of character. So I chose to go and see a life coach (http://www.nikichalkley.com) and she helped me to get rid of that anger using one of my favourite life coaching tools logosynthesis. It wasn’t serving me to hold onto it and I was very glad to let it go (channeling my inner Elsa even though she hadn’t yet appeared on the scene at that time) Fast forward 12 years and I now see that experience as the best thing that ever happened to me. I am much happier and have a much more balanced life as a result. If I’d made different choices that may not have been the case.

Now I know some of you will be reading this and saying to yourself it’s easier said than done, but there’s always a positive spin you can put on something. I’m writing this having not had a very good nights sleep. I could choose to worry about what that will do to my day. Instead I decided to see it as a bonus allowing me to get this blog post written early. Then, if I want to, I can always indulge in an afternoon nap later on in the day. Once you start looking for the positive more of it tends to come into your life. Say you were thinking of buying a red car, amazingly you’d find that suddenly you’re noticing red cars everywhere you go. There’s a phrase that sums this up perfectly. “Where focus goes energy flows” so please focus on the positive in your life so that you can attract more.

I wish you all a happy Sunday and hope that today brings lots of positivity your way. If it doesn’t hang on in there and try and find at least one thing you can be grateful for.

Love and pixie dust to all

Suzi x

PS If you’d like a copy of my first poetry book then get yours here:- https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07XC8KLC5

 

Something I’ve always struggled with is pacing myself. I have a terrible habit of going 100 miles an hour at something and then wondering why I crash and burn. I should know better as I have had years of dealing with chronic pain from my back problems and have had a lot of input from health service providers about the importance of pacing.

The trouble is, when you have a good day pain-wise, it’s tempting to forge ahead and do all the things you’ve had to put aside on your bad days because you really don’t know how long the good day will last. I’m not alone in this and it’s something that a lot of people struggle with.

I’ve recently had another timely reminder of it. In my last blog post I shared with you the amazing safer adaptive boxing classes I have discovered during lockdown. They really have been a lifeline for me and my physical and mental health have markedly improved since starting them. The other benefit has been a reduction in my pain levels. So I jumped on board and, as of Saturday this week, had done daily 1hr sessions for 12 days.

My husband, Alan, was mumbling on about the need to rest muscles but I am very bad at listening to what he says (I’m working on that). Day 11 I finished the session, but barely, as my “brain fog” from my Fibromyalgia was starting to kick in. Punch combinations that I had previously mastered were causing me difficulties and my classic overthinking habit appeared. Everything felt “sludgy” and hard and that wasn’t as much fun. I knew I needed to rest but I enjoy the classes so much I chose to pitch up for more on Friday morning.

During that class I asked the coach, Luiz, about the importance of rest and she confirmed what I already knew to be sensible and suggested at least one rest day over the weekend. I took Saturday off and on Sunday I did a session 45 minute on my own but slowed the moves right down and concentrated on core conditioning instead of cardio and fat burn. (amazingly enough boxing still gave me 30mins of fat burn even doing it like that, it really is an amazing form of exercise compared to things I’ve tried in the past)

I’m currently writing my second poetry book which will also be a guide to leading a happy and healthy life and the importance of rest and recovery will feature in that book. I know this stuff so why is it that I don’t follow my own advice? 
I know I’m not alone in this as lots of my friends and colleagues are in the wellness arena. They, like me, tell me that they are very good at helping others but sometimes forget to take their own advice.

It’s a lesson we can all learn from and one I think lockdown is teaching a lot of people. Lots of people are starting to realise that life doesn’t have to be lived at such a fast pace. It’s OK to take time to rest and relax and do you know what? It actually makes you more efficient when you get back to whatever it was you were doing. 

I rejoined the live classes yesterday and decided to do the whole class at a much slower pace. I still enjoyed it and was amazed to find that I’d still spent the majority of the session in fat burn mode and lost just as many calories as doing it full speed. I need to learn from this and realise I don’t have to be perfect. I simply have to do the best I can and build in time for rest and recovery.

In these challenging times please recognise when you’re tired and worn down (can be physical or mental) and take time out to replenish your energy. 
Stay magical dear souls 🧚‍♀‍

Photo by Derek Liang on Unsplash

Winter time is a tricky time for me as I’m fairly certain I suffer from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). A friend (thanks James Blakeway) recommended taking Vitamin D and that has helped enormously. I also use a Daylight lamp and try and get outside for a walk on a regular basis.

One of the things that often go off plan in this season is my weight. I am a classic yo-yo dieter and use food to try (unsuccessfully) to manage my emotions. I have no idea why I still do this as I know it doesn’t help but I obviously still have an old script playing in my subconscious. As part of my new strategy for managing that, I have started to attend a slimming club to get weighed. I find that helps me enormously (I know that’s part of my “people pleasing” pysche and need to change that but it works so don’t judge me in this instance) Anyways part of the group activity involves us having a discussion about our feelings and attitudes towards food.

Last night we found ourselves discussing why we save some of our “stuff” for the future. Caroline, the group leader, talked about only wearing your Manolo Blahnic shoes (see Carrie in Sex & The City if you’re shoe person like me) on limited occasions and saving them for best. I have lots of Yankee Candles in my house and I light them up on a regular basis. However I know lots of people who choose to keep them intact and never burn them. We only get one life so we should be living it now and not saving stuff for later. Sorry to be a Debbie Downer but some of us won’t have a later. (My mum died when she was 45 at a time when she finally had some spare money to use on holidays etc but never got to experience that freedom) So light the candle, wear the Manolo’s (I have a pair that have only been worn once so I’m looking for some more opportunities to get them on) use your best china or do whatever it is you’ve been keeping pristine. have fun!!!

As part of last night’s group we also had to make 3 commitments. I committed to writing for at least half an hour on 5 out of 7 days a week, taking a 10 minute walk outside on 5 of 7 days and have totally forgotten the last one (should have taken a photo of them like Caroline suggested but thought my memory was OK, mistake!) So this blog post is my commitment to doing that and those two things will help me to lift my mood and see me through to spring.

Would love to hear from you what you will be doing differently as a result of reading this post. Post a comment or use the contact form on my website http://www.suzimagic.com

Photo by Eduardo C.G. on Unsplash

I watched “The Secret” (https://www.youtube.com/user/thesecret) a few years ago and since then have been reading a lot about the law of attraction. My favourite author on the subject is Genevieve Davis. If you’d like to check out her first book you can find it here :- https://amzn.to/2QegV3F . She talks about the common failure in manifesting things as being an inability to get yourself into what she calls “the receiving state”.

I find it really difficult to fully relax and let go and am married to someone who finds it even more difficult. That’s a challenge for me as I can get myself into “the receiving state” but I can struggle to remain there, especially if he’s busy concentrating on everything that might go wrong and focusing on negativity and lack. If anyone has any tips for remaining positive in the face of a “glass half empty” person then I’d love to hear what they are.

Something happened earlier this week that demonstrated this perfectly. We are on holiday in Tenerife and had booked to go on a half day coach trip to see the volcanic scenery around a now dormant volcano on the island. We went down and had an early breakfast and then met the coach outside the hotel . My anxiety levels always rise when we’re using public transport as I am a part time wheelchair user. I had managed to put aside my fears that my chair wouldn’t fit in the bus, the company would forget to save me a seat at the front (so I wouldn’t have to walk too far when I got on) or I wouldn’t be able to manage the steps up into the coach. I was in the receiving state and trusting the universe to look after me and feeling really good. The magic was flowing and I was looking forward to an adventure with conviction that all would be well.

Then my husband discovered he hadn’t got his mobile phone. We realised he must have left it somewhere in the hotel that morning as he’d had it with him at breakfast. He immediately went into negativity mode and was insisting that that would be the last time he saw the phone as someone would obviously have stolen it from wherever he had left it. We rang the phone to see if someone might answer but no-one did and then rang the hotel to tell them what had happened and ask them to keep a lookout for it. He wanted me to ring it every few minutes and keep ringing it in case we got an answer.

I was trying to remain calm during this and explained that there was nothing more we could do now. I tried to get him to focus on enjoying our trip and said dwelling on it wouldn’t change anything but he refused to get out of his angry mode. Negative energy was positively oozing out of him so I wasn’t surprised when the lady tour guide leaned over and asked if we could be a bit quieter as she was finding it hard to concentrate on her commentary, which she was giving in 3 separate languages. He did stop then and shortly after we heard from the hotel that they’d found the phone and would hold it at reception until we got back.

He’d had a choice and chosen lack which probably would have manifested a lost phone if he’d been on his own. However I like to think my focus on how friendly the hotel staff and guests were and how helpful, everybody had been up until that point, swayed the universe to give it back in this instance.

We always have choices and our choices affect how the law of attraction works in our lives. Choose well and the magic will flow.

My next little book of poetry is going to be dedicated to this subject with sections about manifesting, meditation and trusting rather than controlling. Watch out for information about when it might be published.

I’ll sign off now as the sunshine awaits.

Today’s featured image is my view as I was writing this.

Last night I joined a group of people, most of which I hadn’t met before, for a curry (a food I absolutely don’t enjoy!!!) Why did I do it you may ask? Well I have been a member of a networking organisation for well over a year now and have met friends, customers and new team members for my business through it.

4 Networking is not like a lot of the traditional networking organisations where you are pressured into passing on referrals and helping people do business with people they don’t even know. It’s all about building real relationships with individuals and getting to know, like and trust them before you go on to do business with them. To be honest most of the people I work with have become personal friends.

When you are in business as a sole trader it can be a very lonely place to be. Joining this organisation has meant I have support and lots of people who I can bounce ideas off. It seems to attract people who are my sort of people and I genuinely look forward to going to the meetings.

My first introduction to 4N was when I went to a lunch group over in Chard, Somerset (sadly this group has since folded). I was met at the door by the lovely Kirtsy Grimes from http://www.weloveourlocals.co.uk  Kirsty was wearing a cat dress, cat ears, cat paws and even a tail. I instantly knew that this was the right fit for me as I absolutely adore cats and also anyone who has the nerve to dress up like this inspires me to do funky things too. The meeting was held at http://www.ferneanimalsanctuary.org and there I was introduced to the magic that is 4N. I joined up and can’t imagine being without the support of everyone I have met at all the meetings since.

Brad Burton, the founder of the organisation, also runs a private members group, on facebook, which gives you tasks to help you further develop your business. Last night’s curry meet up was a chance to meet some of the people from that private group so I went along to discover the two dimensional people I had gotten to know online were actually real life flesh and blood people too. It was great fun. In the featured image you can just see the top of my headband at the end of the table behind Alison’s (lady with long black hair) head.

Yesterday’s experience inspired me to write today’s poem so here it is for you to enjoy.

 

How to explain what 4N is

It’s Brad’s magical network, it’s just the Biz

So who is Brad I hear you say

Well he used to be a drug dealer, back in the day

 

But then he had life’s shit in his face

He turned around and left his place

To go down south and start again

He left behind that grief and pain

 

He didn’t know a soul down there

So went to network and lost his hair

The groups he joined were formal and stuffy

So he formed his own, they’re a bit more fluffy

 

Instead of sharing boring facts

You get to know some personal stats

The meetings are half business, half fun

If you don’t like the person, just cut and run

 

That way you meet your own little tribe

Get customers, referrals and a lovely vibe

It takes some time to build rapport

So carry on and you’ll get more

 

4N rocks, it’s like having support

When you work on your own it’s your home port

So don’t go it alone, come along and join in

You’ll go away with business and a big grin

 

If you’d like to find a local 4N group near you then message me at suzifrench9@gmail.com and I can book you into a meeting to check it out

Well at last my book is out there. http://www.amazon.com/author/suzifrench

I cried when the first copy arrived and I held it in my hands for the first time. I wrote it in the hope that it would help fellow OCD, anxiety and depression sufferers that there was life after mental illness.

If you’d asked me 11 years ago whether I thought I’d ever be well enough and happy enough to write and self publish a book about my experiences I would have laughed in your face. Back then it felt like my life was over and I’d never be happy again.

Fast forward 11 years and here I am happy, fulfilled and enjoying my life. I am self employed with a couple of other businesses besides my writing and everything I do is done with the intention of making a difference to people’s lives.

My first amazon review was a complete stranger and she said it was helpful and she wished it were longer so I’ve already achieved my goal of helping people with mental health issues. I hope it will be helpful to those that care for sufferers too and give them a little insight into how strange our experiences can be.

Life is good just now and I am already thinking about making a whole series of poetry books which deal with improving the quality of people’s lives.